Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
