I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
