I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pants are for mortals
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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