I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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