Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize