I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
