i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
