dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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