you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize