I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
