and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
