I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
