Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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