Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
