12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
