I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
