i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
