Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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