Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
