I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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