Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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