a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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