Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
