i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
