There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
