I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
