I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
