I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
