I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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