I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
