the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
