After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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