Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize