Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
