dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
