I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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