this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
