what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize