Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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