Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
