Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
