this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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