mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
