I met the friendliest cop last night
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
