Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
