hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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