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i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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