she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize