The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
