shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
