Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My vagina is officially offended.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
