so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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