does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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