ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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