just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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