sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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