i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
