My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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