I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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