dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
