dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
