By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
