There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
