The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
