I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
