dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
