Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
