so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize