11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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