Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
